


The Goodbye Song

by FandomLovesU



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Character Death, Crying, Depression, Heere’s some hurt for you, Hospitalization, Hurt, Jeremy needs a hug, Jeremy writes a song, M/M, Ouch, Overdose, Panic Attacks, Suicide, hand holding, past relationship, the goodbye song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-01 21:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16292513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomLovesU/pseuds/FandomLovesU
Summary: “Michael...please. Come back. I miss you. I can’t do this without my player one...please.” He whimpered out softly.Join me on this emotional rollercoaster that is this fanfic. Wow. Don’t worry I’ll be crying too.





	1. Don't You Forget Me

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the story. I would appreciate if you comment what you want to see happen, or just feedback! Thanks. Smooch smooch.

_11:43 pm_

Michael: The time has come

           Jeremy: Michael?? Michael please, what’s wrong?

_R_  

Michael: I'm flying away

                    Jeremy: Michael. Michael hey, hey, hey don’t do this. I’ll be right there.

_R_  


_11:44 pm_

Michael: Mouth is numb

                  Jeremy: Michael, what did you do. Michael! Please. Please don’t.

_R_  

Michael: Heart don't know what to say

                  Jeremy: Michael. Please. I’ll be there soon. What have you done. Please, god. Don’t you do this to me.

_R_  

Michael: And although I'll be out of sight, dear

Michael: Know I'll be right here

_11:45 pm_

Michael: Right here forever 

Michael: And when you look to the night sky

Michael: Don't think of goodbyes

Michael: Think how I'm right here, ever 

              Jeremy: Michael, fuck. Please I’ll be right there. I’m getting on my motorcycle now. Please. Fuck.

_R_

_11:48 pm_  

Michael: Thank you for teaching me lessons

Michael: Thank you for listening to mine

Michael: Man, you know how to ride a bike now

Michael: Don't be scared, you'll be fine

                Jeremy: Micha. Please..fuck..I need you. 

_R_  

  _11:49 pm_

Michael: Come, no you can't come with me

Michael: Stay, I wish I could goodbye

Michael: I know it's hard to say

      Jeremy: Michael. Please. Stop..please I need you. I’ll be there soon, just hold on.

_R_

  _11:54 pm_

 

Michael: I'd stay if I could

Michael: But the universe won't let me

Michael: So please be good

Michael: And don't you forget me

               Jeremy: Michael..I’d never forget you. I won’t forget you if you’re right next to me. Please. Please, don’t do this.

_R_

  _11:55_

Michael: And although I'll be out of sight, dear

Michael: Know I'll be right here

Michael: Right here forever

Michael: And when you look to the night skies

Michael: Don't think of goodbyes

Michael: Think how I'm right here, ever 

             Jeremy: Michael. Michael, please. I’m almost there.

_R_

Jeremy: Michael?

_R_

                  Jeremy: Michael please answer me.

_R_

Jeremy: Michael?

_R_

                  Jeremy: Fuck, Michael. Answer me!

_R_

                  Jeremy: Micha..Michael please.

_R_

  _11:57 pm_

Jeremy: I need you

_R_  

                 Jeremy: Michael. Please I love you..

_R_  

Jeremy: Please

_R_  

Jeremy: Michael! Please.

_R_

  _11:59 pm_

Jeremy: Open your door.

_R_  

               Jeremy: Michael. Please answer me.

_R_  

                     Jeremy: Michael, I’m coming in.

_R_

  _12:00 am_

After numerous attempts of trying to kick the door, he finally got it to splinter from it's place. He knew that his shoulder and side were going to bruise up, he may have also broken a rib, but he could care less. He needed to get to Michael. His eyes scanned the living room for something, anything. He rushed down the stairs, his voice crackling as he spoke, calling out to Michael. "Micha! Where are you?!" He took a right, into Michael's room. The faint smell of weed lingered in the air, along with the smell of Michael. Jeremy eyes immediately went to the faint light in Michael's bathroom, he pressed the door open, not ready for the sight he was going to see. 

 

Michael lay there, lifeless in the bathtub. His arms askew as he sat clothed in the empty porcelain tub, his phone lay in his lap, on. His hair in his face, and a empty bottle of pills on the ledge of the tub. Beer bottles lay shattered and waisted on the floor. Jeremy faltered, standing there, waiting for Michael to breathe. To give him anything, a giggle, a cry, a gasp, something. He didn't want to accept the fact that Michael had done this. But, he did know he had to do something, he rushed toward his best friend. Jeremy wrapped his arms around Michael's waist, tugging him out, placing him on the ground. He knelt over him as his hands trembled to call 911; although he managed to press the call button and put them on speaker as he began to give Michael CPR. His mind was fumbling to keep up with reality. 

 

His brain had completely blocked where he was, what time it was, all he could focus on was Michael. He had finally gotten him to breathe, just in time for the EMTs to take over. Jeremy was in a state of shock, the unfamiliar voices, and the unfamiliar hands trying to make sure he was alright. 

 

"Sir, are you okay? Sir." A female questioned Jeremy, a hand on his shoulder. She noticed how distant he was even though he was standing in front of her, "Sir, can we have your name?"

 

"Jeremy Heere. H-E-E-R-E." He spoke robot-like, his eyes watching Michael as they brought him out of the room, tears slipped down Jeremy's cheek. 

 

"And your friend?" 

 

"Michael Mell. Two L's." 

 

"Do you know what he overdosed on?" 

 

"TCA’s, for his depression." He whimpered out, his hands clenching on his pant leg as he collapsed onto Michael's bed, sitting there. 

 

"Can I have your phone honey? I'm going to call your parents okay?" 

 

"Yeah-yeah, can I ride with him? Please, I'm his bestfriend, he needs to know that I'm here for him." He stood shakily, as he started to make his way to the stairs. 

 

"Of course." She carefully wrapped her arm around Jeremy's waist to assist him in walking, she didn't mind. She knew things like this were tough. The EMT helped him into the ambulance, sitting him down as her co-workers assisted Michael. 

Jeremy couldn't help but reach out to hold his hand, squeezing his blue tipped fingers securely, he let out a soft sob as he pressed his forehead against his hand. 

 

They rushed Michael to hospital, and while they did their parents were notified of what was happening and to meet them at the hospital.  The unloaded Michael, rushing him to a room, Jeremy held his hand till they passed through those two doors. Jeremy's heart sunk, he took in ragged breaths. Senses heightened everything was too much for him, he fumbled to the bathroom. He pushed through a stall door, and pressed his back against the wall as he slid down, expelling his stomach contents into the toilet as he gripped onto the bowl, sobbing as it burned his throat. Jeremy heard the bathroom door squeak open, and his sobs quieted down. 

"Jeremy? Honey?" Jeremy's mother spoke softly, heading toward the last stall, "Jeremy I'm so sorry.." She muttered, and pushed open the door, bending down. She placed a hand on his lower back, comforting him in soft circles. She pulled him into a hug, smoothing down his hair as he sobbed into the crook of her neck. Jeremy's sobbed had gotten louder, it was clear he was upset. She tried her best at comforting him, shushing him as his sobs turned into whimpers and panicked breaths, until they faded away as he fell asleep in her arms. The two sat there alone for awhile, in each others arms. 

_12:46 am_

Jenna: O-M-G Chlo, answer me, woah wait until I tell you what I saw. It's too fucked to type this shit. It's ripe call back I'll yell you every word. 

_Jenna Roland Calling..._

_Jenna Roland Calling..._

_Jenna Roland Calling..._

"Hey." Chloe answered. 

"Oh my god, oh my god, okay so. At the 12:00 this morning, the very beginning of this morning. I saw Jeremy. Did you see Jeremy?" 

"No, I didn't." 

"He was behaving odd, like a fucking ding-bat, breaking down the door with just his bod, flipping out just like that." 

"He's gotta learn to contain his crazy, no wonder he's always lookin' hazy." 

"Right but he wasn't crazy." 

"The hell you say Jenna?"

"Yo! He wasn't crazy." 

"The hell you say Jenna?" 

"No! Because I heard the ambulance song, and Jeremy wasn't wrong. Which means you can't blame what he did on crazy. It's just so awful I don't want to relive it all. But, do you really want me to tell you?"

"Spit it out! Spit it out!"

"I'll tell you cause you're my closest friend." 

"No I'm not." 

"Yeah, I know. But here's what happened at the early morning. The EMT's brought Michael out. Oh, and sooner or later Jeremy came out. I thought I was dreaming, the sirens were screaming when the EMT's brought Michael out." 

Within a few minutes, the whole school of Middle Borough found out about Michael, and were messaging rumors, especially to Jeremy. His phone blowing up in his back pocket. 

Jeremy just wanted to silence the world. 

 

  

 


	2. Goodbye.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Michael struggling to hold on, Jeremy doesn't know what to do with himself. He's left helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, just to let you know I am not a doctor, so I don't know medically if this is correct. I will try to research to see and edit to my best of my abilities. Thanks for reading and comment down below your thoughts. Thanks!

The faint beeping seemed to sink with Jeremy's every other one of his beat. Jeremy sat in a grey chair in the bleak hospital room, he gently played with the cloth of Michael's red jacket, his fingers grazing and tracing over each patch with love. He let out a soft sigh as he watch Michael's dulled expression, he slipped his hand into Michael's giving it a soft squeeze, kissing the top of it. He rubbed Michael's knuckle, whispering softly to Michael. 

"God, Micha..why would you do this to me? I thought you were doing better..I thought we were doing better, was it me?" His voice crackled; though Jeremy wanted to cry, he couldn't physically he couldn't. There were none left. 

"Jer.." Michael muttered out, squeezing Jeremy's hand back weakly, a small smile appeared on his face. "Hi.."  


"Michael!" He called out, and held him close, his hands trembled as he fumbled to cup Michael's face. Jeremy pressed his lips to Michael's rather quickly, "Don't...do that to me." 

Michael's smile turned into a frown, "Jer..I." He swallowed, "Listen to me, mmkay? I overheard the doctors talking, they said sooner or later I'm going to have a seizure, so, they're putting me in a coma. And Jer..I might not, I might not make it out, okay?" 

"W-what? Bu-" Jeremy started but Michael stopped him. 

"No Jer, I've accepted it..I did this for a reason Jeremy. I can't explain it well, but, when you're falling in a dark hole with a friend, and they're clinging onto a branch, you can't hold onto them, you have to keep falling, and hope they can climb out. If you.." He let out a pained groan, "If you keep hitting all of the other branches, but missing, and you're so close to the bottom, you have to brace for impact. So, this is me..bracing for impact. I can't change what I did Jeremy..but, you need to move on when the time comes okay? Please. Hold onto that damn branch and keep clinging till someone rescues you before you're in too deep."

"But, I want-I can't lose you Michael." 

"Shh, I know. But you can't come with me, stay. I wish, I wish I could goodbye Jer, but this isn't goodbye..it's just an I'll see you later. Mmkay?" He muttered out softly, clearly exhausted. Michael closed his eyes, "I love you, you know that right? It's not your fault Jeremy, it's not. I promise. And though I'll be out of sight dear, know that I'll be right here." He reached up and carefully tapped Jeremy's chest. 

"My nipple?" He joked through a shaky voice. 

Michael smiled, "Heart.." He muttered, his words getting dragged on, "don't...know..mm what...to say." 

"I love you." He pressed a kiss to his forehead. Somehow, he found himself crying yet again. Michael fell asleep in Jeremy's arms as the nurses and doctors prepared him to induce a coma. Jeremy was excused from the room as they did so, finding himself sitting in a waiting room chair with other kids from his school. He ignored most everyone, tapping his fingers together. 

_Thumb to pinky, thumb to ring, thumb to middle, thumb to index, repeat. Speed up as anxiety increases. Focus on your breathing Jeremy. Five things you can see, hear, feel, taste._

Jeremy's squip hadn't fully shut itself down, managing to help or make things worse depending on what was happening, and he could control it this time. (Much like the book SQUIP and being able to shut it off.) 

Somehow, having the squip on now, allowed him to feel numb but yet have a vibrant tone to his body to show others. It was the perfect facade sometimes. Jeremy found himself alone in the room, per optic nerve blocking. His heart rate started to decrease as he slowly calmed down, Jeremy felt a hand snake behind his back. His vision clicked back to reality, seeing his mother. 

"See how many people came to support you Jeremy?" She questioned, "I think tomorrow you should go to school, if you're ready that is. But I think it's in your best interest that you do hon. I think being around others rather than be in this blank hospital you should be with friends, and teachers. Okay? Could you try for me? I'll come pick you up if you have any problems, just call me."

Upon first thought, he mentally told himself there was no way in hell he was going to abandon Michael, but then he saw the worry on his mother's face, on Michael's mothers' faces, and his fathers. They were all tired and stressed out, and he felt horrible. "Yeah Mom, I'll try. You should really go home though, eat, sleep, I'll be fine." He smiled weakly. 

"Jeremy, you should come home too, you need those things as well. Doesn't a nice warm dinner sound nice?" 

_Not really if we're being honest here._

"Yeah, sure." He muttered, he didn't want to leave Michael, but he found himself shuffling to the car, his parents leading him. They weren't going to let Jeremy take his bike, not now. They drove home, and suddenly, home didn't feel comfortable. Jeremy stripped himself of his clothes, as his hands fumbled to turn on the shower. Once luke-warm, Jeremy stepped in, immediately sinking down to the floor. He drew in a shaky breath as he ran his hands through his now wet hair, he didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was stuck in time. 

An hour later, he turned off the shower, stepping out as he wrapped a towel loosely around his waist. He tucked it in just so it wouldn't fall. He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in everything around him. He swallowed as he reached out to the mirror, pressing the cabinet open that was hidden behind his reflection. Bottles stared back at him. His heart throbbed and he grabbed them. He popped the lid off each one prescribed to him, pouring them into the toilet. He sobbed as he threw the empty bottles to the ground, letting out a sob as he punched the mirror. Tears streamed down his face as he couldn't control his emotions for any longer. Jeremy's mother heard this, and came running to his aid, in fear he would do something they'd all regret. As she pushed open the door, she let out a soft gasp as Jeremy stood there, blood running down his hand, glass shards sticking here and there. She sighed, and noticed the empty pill bottles, and glanced around quickly. She was relieved to see them in the toilet, and at the same time disappointed. She wrapped her arms around Jeremy, pulling him close as she began to remove the shards, eventually ending up wrapping his hand white bandages. He let out a soft pant, muttering almost incoherent apologies. 

 As time passed, Jeremy would cry the rest of the night, only falling asleep when there was only two hours until school. He didn't want to wake up, and planned on not doing so. Or going to school. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that, it hurt, so much, hnnnn I love you all. Sorry it was short too. I should be able to write more for the next chapter, and I may be going back to edit and add more. I will let you know if I do!


	3. Player One? Are You Ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy has to go to school, knowing is best friend is on the verge of his deathbed. What will happen at school?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry for my long break, I haven't been doing so well mentally. But I wanted to get out another chapter before I start another week of pure torture, I should be able to write another chapter on Wednesday, I don't have school that day.

The blaring alarm clock was what awoke Jeremy first, as he allowed for a soft groan to escape his lips as he pushed himself up. He almost had a full moment of peace before he realized that Michael wouldn't be attending school with him today, it was possible he wouldn't ever. The thought of Michael dying physically made Jeremy sick to his stomach, he rushed his way into the bathroom, he threw up yet again. He let out a soft, pained gasp as he finished throwing up whatever he'd ate last, which was...Saturday's dinner? Before Michael started texting him, he couldn't believe it had been two days since Michael had overdosed, one since he fell into a coma. 

Jeremy wiped the corner of his mouth as he trudged to the sink, turning on the faucet as he cupped his hands, allowing the water to accumulate. Once to the point of overflowing, Jeremy splashed his face with the water, looking at himself as he hunched over the counter, staring at the shattered glass that still remained in the mirror's frame. Part of him wanted to smash it all off, but he'd probably get in trouble. He didn't speak to his mother about what had happened the previous night, and he was glad to be quite honest. He didn't want to talk about his feeling unless it was with Michael and even if he did so, Michael couldn't offer up some witty feedback that would make Jeremy smile like a goof and blush like a dork.  

He pulled out his phone,

_Monday 6:53 am_

Hey Michael.

**D**

I know you probably can't read this.

**D**

But, I just wanted to let you know..

**D**

I love you, and I'll see you later today okay?

**D**

Jeremy clicked his phone off, as he walked back into his bedroom. He carefully tossed his phone on the bed as he slipped on one of the hoodies that he stole from Michael's closet. He slipped it on, along with a pair of dark colored blue jeans. He slipped on a pair of socks and his tennis shoes. He grabbed his phone from the plush bed, and slipped it into his pocket. He silently crept past his father's bedroom, and the guest bedroom his mother was staying in. He didn't want to wake either of them, nor worry them.

He grabbed hold of his backpack as he opened the front door, ignoring the helpless grumbles of his stomach. He walked the concrete path to school, head down, eyes aimed to watch what he was doing as he walked. The autumn air nipped at Jeremy's nose and fingers as he passed quickly through the air. The grass was vibrant as the frost lightly covered the tips of the grass. Jeremy could see his breath in the air, finally making one final turn as he reached the schools door. He looked up, chuckling pathetically as he read the first poster he saw stuck to the glass doors. 

'Feeling Depressed? Come talk to me, your guidance counselor.' 

He opened the door, ripping it off the wall, "You didn't care before, why start caring now?"  He threw the damn paper in the garbage, and made his way through the halls. He noticed that people were staring and whispering softly as he pasted them. He stopped at his locker, opening it carefully. As he opened it, a flutter of notes escaped it. He bent down, starting to read them. 

'We're sorry - Todd'

  
'I'm here for you - Nicole'

He let out another chuckle, shaking his head he picked up the notes, throwing them away. He slammed his locker closed once he put some items away, and took some out, heading to his first class. He could feel the bags under his eyes and was sure others could see them too. He was about to head into his classroom as Rich grabbed Jeremy by the backpack, swinging him into the bathroom, along with Jake. 

"Hey, dude. You good? We heard what happened and we wanted to make sthure you were okay." Rich spoke, intertwining his fingers with Jake's. Jake simply just smiled at the gesture. 

Jeremy sneered, "Does it look like I'm okay? Michael's in the hospital and I'm stuck here with a school that doesn't care until people get hurt." He growled softy underneath his breath before he turned on his heel, "Just leave me alone." He opened the bathroom door, and headed back to his classroom. He took a seat, somewhere in the middle. The morning announcements came on, 

"Good morning Middle Borough High. Please rise for the pledge, followed by a moment of silence as we think of Michael Mell and his family as he is recovering in the hospital." The pledge was said, "We're going to have an assembly today. Please come to the gym. Seniors first." 

Jeremy was fuming, they had no right. They didn't even no him. They didn't know that he brought Slushie's to lunch everyday, along with sushi, that he got from Seven-Eleven every day. Or how he did that cute little laugh with the snorts and the wheezes. Or how he had a Pac-Man tattoo, or that he was gay. They didn't know Michael, and had no right to tell people who don't know him to think of him. But Jeremy bit his lip, controlling himself not to punch. As he stood up to head to the gym, he took his place down at the bottom, even though crowds gave him anxiety, he knew what this was going to be about. He crossed his arms as he watched the other three grades file in. He couldn't believe only three years ago he and Michael were first navigating their ways through the halls of the high school. 

"So, we have called you all here to speak about suicide, and how it's never an option. We're here for you all, and you can come to us if you ever need." Even though it was the first line the male said the entirety of the room got quiet, which allowed Jeremy to stand.

"If you were here for us, why the hell is Michael in the hospital. You say you care about every single one of us, that's what every high school says. But who was there when Michael was getting bullied for being gay freshman year by seniors? Me! Guess who came to the office and told you all about it, and nothing every happened besides you telling Michael to brush it off and become friends with the people who harassed him for a year? Guess who allowed drugs to come into the school, before my junior year and up to my junior year? Guess who didn't try to help Michael as he was depressed? Who was there for me when I.." Jeremy's voice crackled as he changed the subject, his voice full with rage. "I know what a common answer to all these questions are. It's you. Maybe if you weren't all so wrapped up in handing out tests, focusing on building friendship, and who the hell knows what else Michael would be sitting with me in class today. So don't try to bullshit these students into thinking you actually caring about us." Jeremy sat back down, crossing his arms. Students cheered behind all around him, as the principal blushed embarrassingly. Two teachers stood, and bent down talking to Jeremy. 

"Mr. Heere if you'll come with us." They spoke. 

"Yeah, I know." He stood, and headed toward the principal's office, waiting there until his principal was done with his bullshit speech about how much he "cares." He took a seat in a chair as he hunched over, covering his face with his hands as he let out a heartbroken sob. His phone was yet again blowing up with video footage of what he'd said, people following him, snapchatting him, getting ahold of him with any and every piece of social media he had. 

After roughly thirty more minutes of just sitting and waiting, Mr. Delon opened the door. "Jeremy, how's it going bud?" 

Jeremy shot him a glare as he cross the room to sit in front of him, "I'm not your buddy. What do you want?" 

"I just want to talk."

"Yeah, sure, leave me alone. I'm leaving." He stood; although, he was stopped with a rough grab of the wrist, and a shove against the wall. 

"If you file a lawsuit against us, I'll be sure to find you and Michael first." He growled out softly, before releasing Jeremy. "I hope to see you tomorrow Jeremiah." He stated. 

Jeremy tugged his wrist away, and pulled out his phone, calling his mother. "Mom can you pick me up?"

"Oh Jeremy.." She sighed softly, "Yeah, I'm already on my way. I'm sorry.." She muttered, "See you soon." Jeremy furrowed a brow and ran through his texts, 

_Mom_

I'm coming to take you to the hospital. 

There is some bad news.. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that last bit was a little annoying. I just wanted to try adapting the words. But whoops! Here ya go. Sorry.


End file.
